Celebrating being in a good place...

Wow - what a difference a few months or weeks can make. If I have learned anything over the last little while it is that if you can help, fix, do something good or nice for yourself or others - do it! Don't be afraid of drawing attention to yourself or of criticism of 'overstepping' - sometimes things just need to be done and so long as you aren't mean or cruel or overly aggressive, just keep working at it.

This applies to work and to personal things. First the personal weight/fitness struggle. I was getting frustrated as I couldn't seem to budge off the 30 lbs lost. Which yeah - is great but ... Couldn't figure out what was going on other than just one of those metabolic plateaus where it seems my metabolism had packed up and moved :). Felt pretty crappy when I actually gained back a couple of pounds for no reason I could fathom. So I decided to up the exercise a bit - exercise bike in the AM, walks or WiiFit Plus (which I recommend - so fun!) for a bit in the evening. Nothing too onerous but a few calories to the good. So I am now proud to report that another 5lbs have 'left the building'. Of course I'm pretty sure the fact that winter has come here and I'm doing more walking through 10-15cm of snow and in COLD temperatures can't hurt - how many calories do you burn in 20 minutes walking in -15C I wonder?

Another 20-25 to go to my ideal weight. The goal is at least another 10 by Feb when the family trip to Disney World happens. The whole thing, and hopefully nice and stable, by the August trip with Darling Sister to California. I'm feeling so much better physically and mentally its CRAZY. Didn't really realize how horrible, tired and well - sick - I was feeling. Well I did in some way as that feeling - wanting to escape it - is part of what motivated me to start this Get Healthy campaign, and is motivating me to stick to it.

At work, I think I've finally grown comfortable with the notion of being 'mid-career' and being 'administratively-oriented'. I wasn't comfortable with it AT ALL earlier in my career and it wasn't much better even just a year or two ago, even though I seemed to regularly have good people nudging me in this direction. I was too busy feeling bad about not being a 'big time, big money' researcher. I know - letting the expectations of others weigh me down again....But the university culture is very very good at making you feel terrible if you aren't bringing in millions of research dollars.

I'm far more comfortable now with the notion that I can work to ease the paths of those who ARE 'big-time researchers' or at least are working towards that, by accepting and using my skills to be a good university admin person - or at least for now know how to / can find out how to get things done and then ensure that they ARE done. These last couple of weeks I've been able to 1) proceed on a teaching faculty hire that should have been in place for the start of THIS academic year, not next, but was neglected by Passive Aggressive Man. ARGH, and 2) find a workable, if temporary solution to an awful space problem for a junior colleague, which was again linked others NOT doing their jobs, or at least doing them poorly and letting a junior colleague flounder. All I did really was ask questions and 'start balls rolling' and well - things happened. Got me to thinking - being an advocate for the needs of my colleagues, so they can not just succeed but excel - I LIKE THIS :D. I CAN DO THIS. :)  Not being pushy or nasty - just persistent and trying to find solutions workable for all. Hmmm - I might be able to make a positive difference - nothing earth shattering but a genuine contribution. Yes, I have my projects and articles...and my teaching...but I'm content with finding a new balance where what too often in academe is derogatorily called 'admin' or 'service' is a bigger piece of my 'pie'. Am I nuts? I don't think any more than I've always been...just finally getting more comfortable in my own skin.

Hallelujah.