Musings about possible futures

Over the last academic term, I've gotten to meet and work with a number of new people, and to get to know others in my circle of colleagues and acquaintances much better. In some cases, not to the betterment of relations, but generally this has all been very positive. It has resulted in opportunities coming my way in the fairly immediate, and the somewhat more distance future. I'm quite keen to see where and what and how being an associate dean for a year teaches me and expands my horizons. But I am also increasingly aware that at least 2 'big jobs' can be mine if I want them in 1-2 years.

I know, I know - why think about things 2 years hence? Because I'm a planner and well - if I don't do these things then groundwork needs to be done to set others into these positions.

So I'm pondering now two scenarios:

1) in two years I put my name forward to run a department - because it desperately needs leadership and change and I can do that, BUT the next 5 years will be hard, likely regularly ugly and difficult and an exercises in frustration. It MIGHT not be that bad, but I haven't seen any who did the job well also say they liked it - they have said I'd be good at it and I do have a certain sense of loyalty and a bad case of the 'oughts'
2) in two years I put my name forward for an admin position in my college - maybe only 1 year after other commitments are fulfilled. Also a position of leadership and often change too, BUT one that I have some prior experience of and which, while full of lots of hard work, will be FUN by virtue of who I'd be working with. The problems in this arena are minor compared to the other job. Life would be easier, less stressful in this job - however it is easily argued that perhaps the other position is one that needs a committed person more. Sigh.

Both positions speak to my sense of duty, to my desire to 'make things work better' - but one I think will be a helluva lot more fun...though perhaps is of less prestige/less likely to be a springboard to higher levels of admin work. Do I care about that though? OR is that just my evil competitive side that has gotten me in trouble before, taking on things because I think I should/maybe no one else will, rather than listening to what my heart and gut are trying to say?

New acquaintances in the Anglican hierarchy talk about 'discernment' - literally discerning your path through opening your heart and mind to God's will. Sounds a bit like waiting for God to talk to you, which makes me feel a bit odd to say the least. But 'discern my path' I surely need to do. Some talks are in order, and some time to think, and to watch and see what comes my way over the next year and a bit.

Questions to Self:
1) Just how ambitious am I?
2) Who am I really trying to impress?
3) Will I be fulfilled by doing what I 'ought' or what I 'want'?
4) Haven't I earned the right to simply do what makes me happy? If I have - why do I feel guilty about it?

The more things change...

The more things change ... they are different? (Profound eh?) Wow what a ride the last few weeks have been. I find myself more and more perplexed by the motivations of the people around me. Well that's not fair - perplexed by those that can't seem to keep themselves from making choices / behaving in ways that seem to be at best counter-productive and at worst, not in anyone's best interest, especially theirs.

Passive-Aggressive Man apparently went away for not only term break but another week on top of that in order to perfect the aggressive part of his nature. Yippee. So much for the tactic of steady but polite pressure as a means of getting P-A Man to maybe oh I don't know - make a decision? give a crap? Sigh...where frustration had moved to sympathy it is now rapidly moving to disdain. And not just for me. There may actually be a band of folks in my unit who've had enough and want to see some change asap. Feeling a bit like I'm at the start of a coup d'etat...

On the family side of things...is it that 'pride go-eth before the fall' OR 'pride causes the fall'? Still can't wrap my head around why Mother Dear would chose to move to a tiny (REALLY tiny) geared-to-income seniors apartment in the same neighbourhood she lived in when her marriage of 30 years ended (which is also auto-suburbia with truly crap bus service and nothing really to walk to and she doesn't drive - can you say isolation) when there are options available to her from her own children (aka ME) to live in a lovely apartment condo in a nice neighbourhood close to all sorts of amenities and family - which we would buy for her - in our city OR hers. Gah - my boy cares enough when I'm older to look after me a bit, I'm taking it. It's the only way I can collect on any of the approximately $8 million we agree he owes me at this point  :-)

So - to whomever up there/out there is listening - what is going on?

I'm Baa-aack

After a long hiatus, I'm back. No particular reason for staying away other than just not feeling the need to write. But I realize it has been nearly three months! Where have I been? Travelling, holidays, back to work. Busy. But in good ways. The 'Healthy Living' project is still working well, even if the weight loss has stalled. Made it through the December holidays without too much weight gain (<5lbs) and have worked that back off and a tad bit more. I am finding some evenings and weekends a bit harder to fight off the urge for snacks, but I think that's the winter blahs more than anything. Hard to subvert the carb cravings with a walk when it is -30 or more outside! But I do feel more fit and energetic - new Active2 for the Wii from the son has really challenged me to get more fit - in lots of good ways reminds me I have a ways to go to really be fit. So I'm feeling pretty good about it all but do wish I could get off this plateau. At least 15 more lbs to go and I really want to get there by my birthday (May 1). It would mean a real transformation from last year and something to really celebrate. 


As I think about 2011 and my goals for the year, I realize that this is a year of transition in many ways. Transitioning still into 'empty-nester' parenting. It really does seem odd to not be a daily part of my son's life, but I know he is happy and healthy, and so I take joy in that. I do miss him though - he does give the best hugs :D Of course, being empty-nesters means transformation in my relationship with my spouse too. We spend more time together, and are much better about carving out 'our things' that we do just us two - like our holidays away, seafood buffet night at the casino, auctions, movies etc.,  Work is in a transition too - will I ever get used to being 'mid-career' and being asked/put in charge of things? But I'm keen for the challenges that are coming my way - managing people and having the political savvy to figure out how to get things done... lots to learn but I want to make sure I am still myself and hold to my own core values. I think I can do this and still be effective as a leader and decision-maker. Don't know though  if in just a year I will be as innovative and creative as my colleague who I'm stepping in for while they are on leave. Big shoes to fill. 


The university politics wear me down, as do the students that seem to forget that we are mere humans - but there are also lots of wonderful times where I feel I made a positive difference, opened minds and hearts, and created something interesting and special. I never seem to actually get everything done - always another project, another report/paper/thing to do...
It would be nice one day to literally say 'that's a wrap' but I don't think that's going to happen until the day I retire...and as that's not until 2030...


how are you doing? how is 2011 looking for you?