Celebrating being in a good place...

Wow - what a difference a few months or weeks can make. If I have learned anything over the last little while it is that if you can help, fix, do something good or nice for yourself or others - do it! Don't be afraid of drawing attention to yourself or of criticism of 'overstepping' - sometimes things just need to be done and so long as you aren't mean or cruel or overly aggressive, just keep working at it.

This applies to work and to personal things. First the personal weight/fitness struggle. I was getting frustrated as I couldn't seem to budge off the 30 lbs lost. Which yeah - is great but ... Couldn't figure out what was going on other than just one of those metabolic plateaus where it seems my metabolism had packed up and moved :). Felt pretty crappy when I actually gained back a couple of pounds for no reason I could fathom. So I decided to up the exercise a bit - exercise bike in the AM, walks or WiiFit Plus (which I recommend - so fun!) for a bit in the evening. Nothing too onerous but a few calories to the good. So I am now proud to report that another 5lbs have 'left the building'. Of course I'm pretty sure the fact that winter has come here and I'm doing more walking through 10-15cm of snow and in COLD temperatures can't hurt - how many calories do you burn in 20 minutes walking in -15C I wonder?

Another 20-25 to go to my ideal weight. The goal is at least another 10 by Feb when the family trip to Disney World happens. The whole thing, and hopefully nice and stable, by the August trip with Darling Sister to California. I'm feeling so much better physically and mentally its CRAZY. Didn't really realize how horrible, tired and well - sick - I was feeling. Well I did in some way as that feeling - wanting to escape it - is part of what motivated me to start this Get Healthy campaign, and is motivating me to stick to it.

At work, I think I've finally grown comfortable with the notion of being 'mid-career' and being 'administratively-oriented'. I wasn't comfortable with it AT ALL earlier in my career and it wasn't much better even just a year or two ago, even though I seemed to regularly have good people nudging me in this direction. I was too busy feeling bad about not being a 'big time, big money' researcher. I know - letting the expectations of others weigh me down again....But the university culture is very very good at making you feel terrible if you aren't bringing in millions of research dollars.

I'm far more comfortable now with the notion that I can work to ease the paths of those who ARE 'big-time researchers' or at least are working towards that, by accepting and using my skills to be a good university admin person - or at least for now know how to / can find out how to get things done and then ensure that they ARE done. These last couple of weeks I've been able to 1) proceed on a teaching faculty hire that should have been in place for the start of THIS academic year, not next, but was neglected by Passive Aggressive Man. ARGH, and 2) find a workable, if temporary solution to an awful space problem for a junior colleague, which was again linked others NOT doing their jobs, or at least doing them poorly and letting a junior colleague flounder. All I did really was ask questions and 'start balls rolling' and well - things happened. Got me to thinking - being an advocate for the needs of my colleagues, so they can not just succeed but excel - I LIKE THIS :D. I CAN DO THIS. :)  Not being pushy or nasty - just persistent and trying to find solutions workable for all. Hmmm - I might be able to make a positive difference - nothing earth shattering but a genuine contribution. Yes, I have my projects and articles...and my teaching...but I'm content with finding a new balance where what too often in academe is derogatorily called 'admin' or 'service' is a bigger piece of my 'pie'. Am I nuts? I don't think any more than I've always been...just finally getting more comfortable in my own skin.

Hallelujah.

It's November, Part 2, or: The Rise of Passive Aggressive Man

As expected, our latest department 'chat' was veeeeeery interesting. I admittedly came to stir the pot, which was in desperate need of it, and overall things worked well. That is:
1. More than 2 people attended
2. Topics were addressed and interesting and important discussions insued
3. No one was harmed no matter how annoying, insipid or passive aggressive they became (specifically the person 'running' said 'chat/informal meeting')
4. A junior colleague is going to work with me to get support for moving (FINALLY) on a hire that his grants support and require, but which our 'leader' has let slide for A YEAR!
5. There was agreement that informal meetings are not working (no one comes and no decisions can be made - they are merely information gathering by the 'leader' - read 'idea generator' as he seems to come up with none on his own)
6. We need to (re)institute at least 2, or more as business requires, formal departmental meetings complete with agendas, minutes and at least 1 week notice to members; and
7. There was agreement that the standing committees, particularly the curriculum committees, need to actually be called to meet and USED to take care of numerous issues and tasks relating to curriculum.

Yippee. Is it just me or does this sound like well ... basic institutional management?

Most interesting was that (and I don't think the individual in question realized this) they 'revealed their hand' to me. Let's just say I called this person out on a mistake they made - which I learned about through other colleagues in other units (who are highly respected and very reasonable people who came to me, confused by the reaction of my unit head). First, I asked a week prior to the meeting about said decision in an email, and in it presented reasoned arguments for NOT making the decision they were reported to have made. Importantly, there was no reply. None - emails about other things but no mention of this item. When a brief agenda was circulated for yesterday's meeting (only 2 days before, sigh), I asked for the topic of this decision to be added, in order for this decision, and the larger issue, to get some needed discussion. OK you say, what is the 'revealed hand'?
So in the 'chat' I start to give a brief explanation of the issue, only to be interrupted by who forever after we will call Passive Aggressive Man to say 1) there is no issue and there never was, what am I talking about? 2) my colleagues are simply wrong (so there must be some issue after all, or what are they wrong about?, and if anything they are at fault for not meeting with him (they were given about 48 hrs only to do this and are busy professionals), and 3) talked over me in what I can only describe as a 'pissy' tone that the people to take this up with are my colleagues in another unit - it's their problem! I kept calm through all this, emphasized that these are senior and well-respected academics who would not raise something they did not find concerning. While this specific situation may now be settled for this year, there is a larger issue that is the rightful focus of the curriculum committees (and I reminded the group that that they have not met in over a year!). As an explanation for this non-use of the committees,  P.A. Man actually said they 'needed a rest after all the great work they did last year'. 'Scuse me? Yeah they did a lot but the work of an academic unit doesn't 'rest'!!.

So get to the point right - what was revealed? As I see it, Passive Aggressive Man really REALLY did not like the fact I caught him out and called him on a bad decision, a decision others know he (tried) to make and should not have. I criticized him, and then rather than letting me know before the meeting it was settled (i.e., reply to my email), waited to try and embarrass me in a meeting to get back at me. Which another person might have been, but not me...because I know the truth of what happened. He thinks I tried to make him look bad / incompetent / just plain wrong - seriously no trying is required he does such a good job himself. And well - it didn't work because it was apparent from what others at the meeting said that they understand what was going on and that yes, this is an issue that should not have been handled the way it was. So Passive Aggressive Man just ended up looking ineffectual and pissy, surely not his goal.

And me? Forewarned is for-armed. Try to intimidate me? Really? REALLY? Game on mister.

It must be November...

Ahh November...one of the crazy times in academe. I'm never bothered much by start of term - September seems full of energy and well, I've had chunks of August to prepare in a relaxed mode. Not so now. The administrative machine needs to be fed before the end of the fall term, so meetings are filling up the calendar; meetings for which preparation is required. Grad student research proposal defenses need chairing, and I can't really say 'no' to all of them, can I? Exam scripts need to be reviewed and submitted (and I never learned the trick of keeping the exams identical year after year, and don't intend to). And, oh gawd, there is winter term to think of! Never seem to have the same sense of organization as we move into the second term; rush and panic --- do I need AV booked? Do I want to use texts in the seminar classes? Or will I go with readings again? Oh crap - need to review and update the readings...but when? Add in a dash of journal article reviews and a pinch of reacting to comments on my own publication submissions, not to mention the events in my College...

All of this is happening at the same time as I'm well - exhausted. I think I've been fighting something - my throat/voice has been sore/hoarse a lot more this term than usual. I really ought to have stock in Ricola and Fishermen's Friend lozenges. Lecturing every day has been harder on my voice than I remember from years past, for reasons unknown. Looking forward to that aspect of winter term seminar courses - generally I talk far less, and when I do it is in a regular speaking voice, not projecting to the back of a lecture theatre. Whew. I'd love to know what others who lecture a lot do to rest/take care of their voices. Suggestions?

The thing that is really niggling at me - well there are 2 really. The first is ongoing and increasing problems with my left hip. I thought getting the weight down would help (and in some ways I'm sure it has - yippee 30 lbs less than when I started this 'get healthy' effort in late July!), but the increased exercise seems to be aggravating it. The problem is - I was diagnosed with scoliosis at 14 during a public health screening at my school (this was a 'thing' in Ontario at the time). My parents did not follow up with our doctor because of some weird thing my mother has with public health - apparently they are quacks according to her. Anyway - the result is that my left hip is lower than the right, which sets up all sorts of weird things in the joint. Not enough to notice when you see me standing there, but enough to, at age 45, cause me at times significant pain and discomfort. It used to be the hip flexors and tendons would get tight and sore or my knee would be aggravated, and I could exercise, walk and use chiropractic treatments to get things pain-free again. Not so now - now I think there is arthritis in the hip joint. This has been disrupting my sleep and well - I'm not much good to anyone when I'm overtired. While it can be ok during the day, things tighten up at night (and in the cold - yippee and I live in Winterpeg) and then - oweee. So I'm off to the doctor's next week to start down whatever road needs travelling to address this...'cause clearly it's not going to magically go away. Gawd getting older truly sucks.

The other thing - now this is work related, and my ongoing struggle to not tear a strip off a certain 'leader' (I use the term very, very loosely). The latest? Well let's just say I keep hearing "If it weren't for bad decisions, there'd be no decisions at all..." in my head, sung to that tune from the old HeeHaw show where they sing about bad luck in a lovely over-the-top country twang. (Google it, those too young or not Canadian enough quite to know this reference :) ). I just can't fathom how you can so NOT do your job. I can completely understand feeling and being overwhelmed, not knowing exactly what you should be doing, but then I would ASK for help, guidance, and well, take lots of notes! At the very very least I would confer with my colleagues on a regular basis because after all, it's there department I'd be trying to make sure works properly. Sigh.... it sure would be nice to care a bit less but then that is apparently not who I am.

Well this has now turned into a small novel, and I'm sure that there will be a Part Duh! to the last paragraph next week...so I will stop. But please! -- if you have any advice on how to deal with co-workers that make your head spin like something out of the Exorcist PLEASE pass it on!

Perspective

Yesterday I attended a memorial service. Thankfully not something I have had to do a lot, yet, in my life. This was, however, a particularly memorable event for more than its rarity. I was there to say goodbye to a colleague and mentor who was one of the few threads that tie my life as a student in Ontario to my life in Manitoba as a professor. But that is really not the important thing here. This was a woman of rare humanity and skill as a researcher, scholar and mentor; and yet was so much more. Here was a woman to look up to, someone to be like when "I grow up" because of the obvious passion with which she led her life. It seems so utterly unfair that this is the person who is diagnosed with cancer and then is gone in 4 months.

I'm going to be processing this for awhile, but I think the message I took from her wonderful eulogy is that if you want to do it, DO IT. If you care about people, animals, food and the world at large - love them all you can, share the bounties of your life, and let the people in your life know how special they are. Do it all, and do it now. You may not get a better time. Do good work, do it with conviction and passion, but remember that your work is not your life...ok a piece of it but not all of it.

Truthfully, I think the quote used in the eulogy from Hunter S. Thompson sums up where my thoughts are today:

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke [glass of Pinot Grigio in hand!], thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!’”

Back at it...

Fall has arrived with a thud, and I'm back in the routine of teaching classes. Not too much that is challenging in teaching first and second year, but I like it. A couple of other small projects, and an invited article that isn't due to Feb. Feel pretty much in control and there have only been a few meetings requiring my presence. This afternoon I have a first - invited to a 'think tank' for design and architecture - they seem to think a geographer might have some interesting and useful info/perspectives on space, place and interiors. If I feel a tool I'll plead a headache and leave early, but it could be quite interesting...and I get dinner. Hopefully it is something I can eat, given my new healthy eating/weight loss regime.

Good news here. Feeling healthier and have dropped 20lbs now. What a difference. Still a ways to go to get to a truly healthy weight, but this is a big step in that direction. Hopeful that I will reach my goal of another 5-10 lbs lighter by the holidays, and another 20 by our trip to Florida in Feb. I think I can do it, sticking to the patterns of exercise and healthy eating (and portions) I have embarked upon.

Gotta just keep moving...

Fall Beckons

The weather has turned cool, and I swear I heard a Canada goose yesterday. Fall is here. And even if the weather hadn't changed, the university where I work is populated again. You'd think I'd get used to it after all these years, but the sudden appearance of students and faculty always seems a shock after the quiet of the summer. Classes don't start until Thursday, but the Orientation groups are marching around, and students are scurrying around trying to find rooms. Three different groups of students asked me for directions today - one particularly anxious student walked right into my office (I'm near a stairwell) breathless and lost. Students don't read the signs to see that if they turn one way, all they will get to are offices, not classrooms. Apparently wayfinding is a lost art.

I'm feeling pretty good about the new term. Got a new iMac so I have a LOVELY new computer that is fast and just well - cool! Rearranged and cleaned the office too - much much better. Fresh start, fresh look. Teaching first and second year courses that I've taught lots before - tweaking and updating but should be an easy term when it comes to teaching. A couple of projects on the go, but nothing huge at the moment. Going to enjoy and get some writing done - a book review and an article I've been thinking about for awhile.


The healthy living program is going well. Making sure I do something every day - WiiFit or exercise bike - more walking - or like this weekend - gardening and moving books (lots) up to the new home office. Still looking for shelves, but soon... Have now lost about 17 lbs and working on making 20 lbs or better gone by the end of the month. Getting used to lots of fruit, veg and fish. Feeling SO MUCH more energized. The ticket is I have to do something when I get up, when I feel most motivated.

Good news on the book front - my book that came out in July - well according to amazon.ca, yesterday there was only 1 copy left with the promise of more on the way!! So that means they are selling!! woohoo!! Wow - I might actually get a royalty cheque! YES! This is the best sort of affirmation.


So - have to just keep on keeping on, keep working, keep moving. So - I'm off for a walk.
See ya around the neighbourhood.

Celebrating Some Success

Things are actually coming together, or at least it seems like it. This could just be just the calm before the storm however - in 2 weeks we are back in session and I'm back in the classroom. The calendar is already filling up. Planning meetings, committee meetings, meetings with graduate students...oh and somewhere in there some class prep!

But I have managed to write and submit (just yesterday - still basking in the glow!) a journal article and it is pretty darn good if I do say so. This winds up a project with a colleague that has been a load of fun and has opened up enticing new areas for me in what I have come to call 'family geographies' (Now available from Oxford University Press via Amazon!) :D  Time to update the CV with another publication 'under review'. Next step - the draft chapter on feminist geography for a book on cultural geography that I'm contributing to a colleague's book. This has been a long, delayed and painful project. I don't think I would do this again. It just has been like having wisdom teeth pulled without the happy knock out drugs. It's true - sometimes what sounds like an interesting opportunity should be left as just that - and not another project to take on. Still have to finish a book I said I'd review for my discipline's flagship journal by October some time, and there is another article due in Feb - an invited one with a colleague in religion. Very cool project looking at how we in N. America relate to bears and specifically the story of the memorializing of a 'zoo celebrity bear' at our local zoo here. Debbie was famous for being the oldest polar bear in captivity and was something of a local celebrity. 400+ people came to a memorial service for her in the dead of a Manitoba winter and marked her passing, outside! So its not like I don't still have lots and lots to do - but for a change I actually feel like it will all be accomplished - Keep Calm and Carry On!

I think part of this good feeling is that things are swimming along on the personal front. As of today I have officially lost 10lbs. Well - I didn't 'lose' it - I have returned my fat to the universe, thanks very much but I don't want it/need it anymore. Thirty more to go. My goal is to lose this before our Feb 2011 holiday in Florida. By Christmas would be brilliant but I want to be realistic. I know I will hit a plateau or two along the way and I have to not lose my resolve. Found a brand of veggie chips and one of guacamole flavoured taco chips that allow me to indulge a craving for 130-150 cal and so not be wracked with futility. Mostly I have to watch the emotional eating and KEEP MOVING. Which reminds me I still need to get on the exercise bike today...

The other good news is the Son has solved his housing situation and does not need to move back home! He and some friends found a house to rent, and he is actively looking for a better job than slinging subs at 2am. Ok so he needs $$ for the rent for the first month but heck, getting used to being Parent Bank of Canada. At least we are in a position to assist. I owe the gods and goddesses on this one.

So - time to get cracking on some things - tomorrow I start work on organizing my first year course for the new term and getting the course outline done. Today I'm devoting 3-4 hours to the book chapter, and then its a trip to Michaels for scrapbooking pages I think. But first - to the bike!